The faux-patriotism of Eurovision

The Eurovision song contest is on this weekend.

Here's the thing about Eurovision. Sometimes you really can get some fantastic talents who sing in it and put on a great show. They are never from Great Britain though. For some bizarre reason, Britain seems to think that every Eurovision entry has to have this faux-patriotism that nobody really feels in Britain apart from during international events like Eurovision or the Olympics.

I hate this shit. This is awful. This is absolute drivel. I'm sorry Jade Ewen, but I know nothing about you. You tell me that you have all this desire in your heart, but nobody knows anything about you. Okay this is a little unfair because she didn't write the song. But really, do we need another Leona Lewis? I don't even think that we need Leona Lewis, let alone another, less talented, copy.

That video is the biggest piece of self-indulgent crap. I hope that Britain gets zero points. Not because I want to see them lose, but I want them to see that this is not the way to win Eurovision. Other countries enter actual stars and singers. Why do we always have to go for failed X-Factor contestants or failed pop bands from a few years prior? The reason they failed or lost was because they were not popular. Why make them represent the country if they aren't popular?! Finland won when they entered Lordi as their representatives. Lordi are not great singers, by a long way. But they put on a show and everyone loved it.

Why doesn't Britain enter someone who has worldwide acclaim? Someone who can really get people behind them? I don't care about Jade Ewen. She incites no emotions in me. She's just another reality TV show singer. Why not get an artist or a band that people will know and that can put on a show. Why not get a band that are British and can really show Eurovision what Britain is about.

I mean, I don't like Take That as much as the next guy, but come on, they'd probably win Eurovision. Their popularity would be enough to overcome the politics of Eurovision. It's what happened with Lordi and it could happen again with a band like Take That. The countries would rather vote for the group that everyone loves than vote for the country that they usually vote for. I won't get into the politics behind Eurovision really but, a good artist can overcome that. These people don't have to sing about Britain and all this stupid non-patriotism. Just make sure that they are British and have a good song. Does Hard Rock Hallelujah say anything about Finland? Of course not.

Another band who I think would do wonders for Britain in Eurovision would be Muse. A band who can put on a hell of a fucking show and have worldwide acclaim. That would make me proud to be British (even though I'm not technically British). Everyone would vote for Britain if Muse represented them. I'm sure there are contractual reasons why these bands can't do Eurovision, but if Lordi can do it then why can't Take That or Muse?

Right, let's get to the real problem with this song. The writing. Jesus Christ Andrew Lloyd Webber. You've written some wonderful pieces of music in your career. Whenever I heard that you would be writing the Eurovision entry for 2009 I was actually excited to see what you would come out with. However I actually think that you've come up with something worse than ever before. This is horrible. This is worse than that "Flying The Flag" shit from a few years back. At least that was campy and a bit of a joke. This is just patronising and shit and nobody really cares if it's her time.
It's my time, it's my time
My moment, I'm not gonna let go of it
My time, it's my time
And I'll stand proud
There's nothing I'm afraid of
I'll show you what I'm made of
Show you that it's my time now
Seriously Andrew? Seriously? You wrote this down on a piece of paper and thought it would pass? This is a fucking fail. Thanks to you and your stupid TV show, Britain will not win this year. Not only will they not win, they'll fail horribly. This song is trying to make people care, but what does it say about Britain? Nothing. That's fine. I recommended Muse, and they would almost definitely play a song that has nothing to do with Britain. But that's a good thing. They also wouldn't play a song with this stupid fake patriotism and belief and desire that isn't really there.

Maybe I'll be wrong. Maybe Britain will do well. I'll write a blog about that if they do. I won't retract what I'm saying here because it'll still be true.

This rant really has been long enough.

I've been listening to Ween a lot recently. God that band is awesome.

Right well anyway, I best go to bed. I don't get enough comments on my posts, so you should leave one to this post. What do you think about Eurovision? Who would you like to see represent your country in Eurovision (even if your country isn't quite in Europe).

Yeah anyway.

BYE.
x